I liked a girl who was my best buddy for 3 years during my college. She was so helpful and caring for me, but I saw her as my best partner. She was indeed my best pair.
I got placed in Campus with 4.5LPA. Soon after she got placed after me for 3.3LPA, I proposed her.
She asked me sometime to think about it and I left it to her.
She said no! Quoting Family reasons and her dad earns about 1.25L per month. Obviously he will seek a match for her in similar standards. She also boasted about how she lived without caring for money, all through her life and so she decided to go with her parents decisions!
I was devastated. But come on, I am 20Y old and her dad was 56! She rejected me.
She slowly started behaving harsh to me, telling me about her handsome male colleagues, she decided to make me jealous of her and tried to crush me.
I started looking out for other offers and got two more from two big product companies. I made a switch to them earning about 47k per month.
An year passed and I minimized all contacts with her. She was still my friend with minimal contacts.
I got another interview with a very big company and cleared it. I was offered about 16LPA + 10L in stocks, this time with nearly 1L take home per month.
When I told this to her, she falls back to her normal with me.
But I am not used to making same mistake twice.
What do we call this?
Is marriage, a business?
Answered by Anonymous
I am going Anonymous to hide my friend’s and my identity, as I am going to reveal things that I should not publicly.
This answer is rated as H for HONEST. (read in Breaking Bad’s sound 😀 brutally honest)
My background : I am a 22 year old male, working in a reputable software company in Bengaluru, and my pay package is twice what you have mention in the question. A female friend of mine, from the same college is paid the package mentioned in the question.
I have asked this question to my female friend and what I understood is:
Numbers are relative but numbers matter.
Let me explain why. To all girls who have written here that pay-packages don’t matter, are about 1% of the female population i.e., very very very rare or lying or think that it doesn’t matter, but when the time comes it will matter to them. No offence to them. There is nothing wrong with any kind of personal expectation when it comes to marriage.
I have familial responsibilities. I need to take care of my parents financially and there are some other things as well that I need to take care of financially. So my friend told me that even if you have this good a package, you have some responsibilities and that can be “deal-breaker” for some girls. Few girls do desire a completely independent groom without family responsibility.
As far as male ego is concerned, there is some weird (read by born) misconception in minds of Indian girls that all males have an ego when it comes to earning. I mean, seriously, I even know some sane and very practical girls who believe this. I am really not sure what is root cause here. So many girls do want their groom to have at least an equal package. Here I don’t understand one thing, and that is that the pay-package is not constant. It can go higher or lower for any of you. In a married life of 40 years, a situation may arise when either the girl or boy is earning more than the other, which might not been the case when they got married.
So coming back to your question. What I have observed is that if you are above 10+ LPA , you should be good to go with 90% girl’s cut-off. I am sorry if it sounded like a business deal but again, in India a marriage is almost similar to a business deal.
Now coming to those 10% elite girls who are earning like crazy. There will be exceptions but I personally don’t think that any girl earning an amount that high will settle down with a guy earning half of what they earn (even if the guy’s pay-package is quite good on average ). The reason they will give you that is male ego. But you know what the actual reason is. It is their ego and high levels of satisfaction. They know they are rare and come in the elite group, and they will not settle for just any guy as you know there are enough guys who are earning an amount equal to theirs or have rich parents.
P.S – No offence to any one. Question is generalized that’s why Answer is also generalized.
To fellow Indian girls/boys : Please look outside Quora community. Look at the real India. I don’t want to sound negative, but be realistic. Not every boy or girl is 100 % gold at heart in India.
Answered by Anonymous
Under 3 LPA + GREAT HUMAN VALUES
My marriage is a little over 4 years old. The boy on the matrimonial site who stared at me had a profile that weighed low by “market trends” – a 25 year old post graduate who was just 6+ months in his job that required him to work in 3 shifts, earning less than 3 LPA, with already 3 dependents to take care of – his parents and grandmother. Obviously, he was rejected by many girls, insulted by many for “daring” to marry with such a low income, in a metropolitan city as Chennai.
I do not know what led me to click the accept button, and suddenly he and his family decided to come over to meet me and my family. In our first meet, he told me about his financial status, that he had a virtually continuing credit-loan account in bank, some 3 EMI’s to pay, and no property except his bike (that too on loan). He also told me of his struggle to get a job, and that had to work in several unaccredited jobs to pay off family loans. At that time, all this did not matter to me at all. All that mattered was that he was a post graduate who knows to take care of his family. And that he is a fighter.
To put it in a nutshell, I had decided to go to a virtually broke but closely knit household.
We married, and from then on the concept of “your salary” and “my salary” ceased. It became “our money”. (I am a Physiotherapist, and Physios do not earn very well, and my parents aren’t well off either.) With our money, we closed our loans one by one, balanced the bank credit loans, and steadied the budget scales. We delayed having a child, as we could not afford my LOP with a maternity break.
After 3 years of marriage, we were blessed with a cute little daughter. My husband is a wonderful man, he takes care of our daughter in every possible way except breastfeed her… Last year we purchased a home, our own dream haven. today, we maintain our credit balance as Rs. 0.00/-, the only EMI we pay is our home loan. We have seen many ups and downs, sudden medical emergencies, death, pink slips, etc etc, but we bore them and strode through them TOGETHER. Everything we have today is a result of our 4 year toil together, with a strong basement given to us by our family.
If the 3LPA mattered to me that day, my life would have been different. I might have been richer, but whether would be satisfied? I do not want to know.
Money is but a part of life.
Credit goes to: Shruti S Ramjee